Always faithful.

Archive for February, 2012

Whirlwind

I didn’t sleep good last night, my mind would not stop. I was thinking of everything that needs to be done, about everything I don’t know what to do about and everything that could possibly ever happen and everything that I have no control over.

Then I get a call this morning that I need to go back and have a follow up mammogram. I went to the gyno yesterday and went for a mammogram too, what fun! Now I’m kinda freaking out that they found something. But last year it was the same thing I have a real dense spot that needed more compression to look at better, and everything was fine. Hopefully it will be the same again this year. Note to self make them look at it right there so I don’t have to do it all over again and get freaked out when they call me back.

We have so many things coming up, my calendar is filling up. We are going to Cabo in 8 days. Then we go on a mission trip Spring Break. I just made an appt to go visit with the banker, Ugh! that ought to be fun… then right after that I’ll go get my follow up mammogram. I’m just feeling like I’m caught up in a whirlwind and everything is spiraling out of control and I’m trying to grab hold of things that are flying by and gather them all up, then everything gets sucked out of my grasp and I start all over again. I need to just take a look at this moment and do what I can about one thing at a time, but then I find myself looking ahead at the next task that needs dealt with and worrying about that. Ugh! I just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I can’t’ even take a nap to get over my lack of sleep because I can’t let go of this STUFF in my brain!  Calgon take me away! Sure nuff there would be a vortex in the water that I would get caught up in trying to get away. Ha ha I can’t seem to escape these vortices that are surrounding me.

I need to make a dessert for the Home Team meeting Sunday, Jeff and I are on this team for missionaries from our church going to live in India.

Tuesday- Banker meeting and mammogram and I think we’re supposed to eat with my brother that night so that means we’ll be taking Nana to LBK with us

Church on Wednesday

Thursday-  the housekeeper is coming I need to get hair color and my nails did sometime later this week and the quilters are supposed to go on a road trip to Matador I don’t think I can do that

Fri  I need to pack for Cabo

leave for Cabo on Sat but take Emmitt to Plv first

Jeff and I have tickets to see Willie Nelson 3 days after we get back from Cabo.

There is a big wedding we’re going to the night before we leave for the Mission trip and I need to buy a new dress for that, yuck! I don’t want to go shopping. That is on my mind as well. and

I need to think of everything we will need to take on that trip as well, do we have enough air mattresses? what about snacks, water, sandwiches etc. we haven’t figured out everything on that stuff. Yikes!

Oh and I’m hostess to a shower on that same morning of the wedding and I think I’m supposed to make sausage balls for that. and make sure her cookbook is ready from the quilters.

These are the things I’m in a vortex with. all in there with me are the business things that need tending to and the daily stuff too. Ack!

Here I go trying to tackle a portion of it. All the while that damn mammogram is haunting me…….

Advertisements

Carpe Diem

We heard this morning that Joe Reid died of a heart attack. And for all selfish reasons I’m so sad.

Mike and Joe were friends. I can remember our families stock showing together and having a crush on him. His sister Donna, I idolized, she was so cute.

I’m sad that I never took the opportunity to talk to Joe in person, face to face, to maybe get one more memory in my memory bank of Mike.

I don’t remember the last time I saw Joe. He’d moved back to Floydada and I didn’t know it, he lived in his grandparents Snodgrass’ house. I had chatted with him on Facebook a few times when he lived I think in Odessa, he’d ask me if it’d rained, and always asked about Nana and Justin. Why, oh why, did I never know he’d moved back here and why didn’t I make a point to visit with him.  I bet he has some memories of Mike that he now has taken with him.

Sudden death is so painful, amazing how in an instant that familiar pain of grief can get it’s grip on you. Coming from deep down inside where you’ve shoved it, man, can it rear it’s ugly head in a hurry.

Saturday on his Facebook he posted that he was elated that he just found out he has a 23 yr old daughter. When Nana saw this on Facebook she replied “What?” and when he saw it he immediately called her and told her the whole story. He was so happy and excited. Nana and I just talked about her conversation with him a couple days ago. This girls mother just died and while on her deathbed told her who her father was. Poor girl.

Makes me sad for my Mom too, I can’t imagine the emotions this brings to her as well. I must remind myself to LIVE life everyday, I’m so bad about getting bogged down in the ins and outs of everyday BS that I forget to live in the moment.

Carpe Diem

Changes in the weather

Hoping for rain today, we supposedly have abundant Gulf Coast moisture blowing in. We really need rain. We are so dry, it has affected our spraying business. Since we rely on farmers crops, and there were few last year, we didn’t have much work. Farmers can buy insurance to help them out, we don’t have that option. All Ag supporting businesses are hurting, grain elevators, cotton gins and spray businesses. We are at a very critical point. This past 7 months has been so difficult for me, at times I was angry with God because he would not let it rain. I had a turmoil inside trying to remain faithful that it would rain in God’s timing, all the time knowing our business was hurting. I look back on the year before, 2010, we had great rains all throughout the year flourishing crops, we were busy spraying all season long. We and the farmers were in “high cotton” literally.

High Cotton 2010

I’ve learned from this, when things are going good, hang on tight, because things quite possibly could change in an instant. Instead of saving for a rainy day, save your money because the drought will come. There have been so many factors beyond our control, too bad I haven’t figured out how to control the weather. I have to remind myself daily, hourly and sometimes moment by moment that I do not manage the entire Universe. You know, let go and let God. Okay so please Lord let it RAIN!

Rain in 2010 that made the high cotton

This past Fall I visited with my Mama about my anger with God and my despair over our business situation. She found a scripture that really did help pull me out of my funk.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[a]
able to tread upon the heights.

I began going to Wednesday night bible study at church, I just felt better about life, fellowship with my church family  helped me feel like everything is going to be okay. And I know it will, it just may be different. We will be fine, as long as I have my Husband and my girls, and my family, I will be fine. Sometimes we don’t realize we are on a mountaintop until we reach a valley, valleys are inevitable, unpredictable and impartial but they have a purpose. We grow when we are in the valley, we will grow closer to God.

James 1:2-4

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Bring on the rain!

WTH am I doing?!

I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging for a while. My niece tells me all the time that I should. I have lots of ideas and thoughts and gripes and boasts of blessings. But who cares to read about them? 

You may be offended by me at times, but if you don’t like it, don’t read it. I call it how I see it, truth… it’s ugly sometimes and through that I learn truths about myself as well. Anyway here goes:

I’m pretty sure this won’t offend anyone.

I’m thankful God sent me to be raised by the parents He sent me to. (in West Texas)


My Daddy: hardest working man you’d ever know, he didn’t even know how to take a day off. His desire was for everyone to just “Do RIGHT”. I miss him so much.

My Mama: She takes care of people, instilled in me strong Christian values. Truly my ROCK, she is calm and always steady the course. She has taught me so much about faith and perseverance.

My parents’ love for each other, their family, their home, their life together is what marriage and life is all about. I’m thankful for what I learned from them. I hope I’m “doing right” everyday. 

Husband and I love our life and our kids. Through the ups and downs of life, as long as I have my family it’s all good. It is well with my soul. Thank you Lord.

Tag Cloud